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[528] Professor
- Professor: We need this paper to be huge! I want people to fear us when we go to meetings... We need to be like male elephants! Grad student #1: You want me to grow tusks? Grad student #2: You want me to grow big ears? Professor: No! We need to...

12 weeks 1 day 22 hours 41 minutes 23 seconds ago

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[527] Old Woman and Man
- Old Woman:Did you see what happened last night? Old man:What happened? Old woman:Someone pushed me in a pole and i broke my finger,Doesn't that bother you that there are so many people that get hurt by bad people? Old man:No because im th...

12 weeks 3 days 18 hours 40 minutes 2 seconds ago

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[526] Dumb Teens
- Teen girl #1: Oh my god! Really? Well, even though you're three weeks late, you totally don't have to worry until a month after you guys actually did it. So you've definitely got at least a week left until you need to start worrying. Teen girl #2...

13 weeks 1 day 0 hours 41 minutes 36 seconds ago

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[525] Good Breakfast
- Spaced-out case manager helping client apply for Social Security: So this question here asks you to describe your daily routine in the morning. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up? Brush your teeth? Client: I ain’t got no teeth. I smok...

14 weeks 4 days 0 hours 24 minutes 36 seconds ago

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[524] Tourists
- Bimbette #1: God, people in Midtown are sooo ugly. Bimbette #2: Yeah, I know. Bimbette #1: It's probably because, like, 85 percent are tourists. Bimbette #2: Oh my god, I know! Tourists are so ugly.

16 weeks 5 days 20 hours 26 minutes 59 seconds ago

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[520] cupcakes
- Woman: I want one of those cupcakes with no sprinkles. Cashier: They all have sprinkles, ma'am. Woman: [lingers, looks] I thought some didn't. Cashier: They all do. Woman: ... I thought some didn't. Cashier: No, all the cupcakes hav...

17 weeks 2 days 22 hours 5 minutes 56 seconds ago

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[519] Blaming
- Female intern: I'm not sorry. Male worker: You should be. I missed my deadline. Female intern: You missed your deadline because you are hungover, like, every day. Male worker: Compounded by the fact I have to mentor skanks at work!

17 weeks 2 days 22 hours 7 minutes 31 seconds ago

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[518] bras
- Peon #1: Did you hear they're thinking about banning all gel-enhanced bras on airplanes? Peon #2: Women wear gel in their bras? Peon #1: It's like padding, but gel, which gives it a more natural enhancement and feel. Peon #2: That's false adver...

19 weeks 5 days 21 hours 1 minute 44 seconds ago

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[517] all-water diet
- Cheerleader #1: Girl, are you still on that all-water diet? Cheerleader #2: Mmhmm. Cheerleader #1: Girl, you better watch, you’re gonna die from that shit. Cheerleader #2: It don’t matter if I’m dyin’ skinny.

19 weeks 6 days 16 hours 45 minutes 5 seconds ago

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